Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
