Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
