eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
