HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
