Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
