what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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