Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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