I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
