Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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