not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
