I didn't shave. On purpose
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
