This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
