What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
