Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
