Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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