hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
