FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
