TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
