Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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