at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
