they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
