Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want her autograph on my taint
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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