I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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