I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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