The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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