Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
