Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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