Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
