laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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