I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
