She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
