next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
