Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
