you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
