Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
