Your mouth is God's brothel.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
