smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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