New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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