Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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