Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
