Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
