i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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