I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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