:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
