Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have aggressive nipples.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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