I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
ok first of all what the fuck
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
