I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
