i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
be right there i have to get my cape
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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