what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
