Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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