Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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