I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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