Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
