he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
