It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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