The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
