....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
