I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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