One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
