This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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