1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're making bets on your personal life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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