Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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