Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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