I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
