dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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