i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
