That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
