did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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