I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
