yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
