The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
