you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
