i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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