My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how does that bad decision feel?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
