May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
