Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i have two assholes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
