it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
