I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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