ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
