so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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