you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
